At the end of the day …. Alone!!

~~May 31, 2014~~

What Is The “Capacity To Be Alone?”

Originally coined by the British pediatrician/psychoanalyst, Donald Winnicott, the “capacity to be alone” refers to the development of individuality that starts with the infant’s ability to be alone in the presence of the mother.
It is the child’s ability to move from the sense of the mother’s compassionate, comforting and loving presence, to his/her ability to hold on to her presence, even when alone.
This internalized sense of the comforting mother develops into the psychological capacity to regulate anxiety, self-soothe, and experience a true authentic self. In essence, this is the capacity to be alone.

I strongly believe that these concepts not only apply to couples, they also apply to friends and companions of any kind. Mostly, it applies to self.

To be alone improves the capacity to love. 

Why Is This an Asset To Intimacy?

True intimacy starts with a comfort in your own sense of self.  If you like yourself and feel comfortable, you will be able to relate in a real and genuine way with another person.

You won’t have to be what someone else wants or needs you to be.

True intimacy is possible when you have the “capacity to be alone” because it implies choice. You may want to be with someone. You don’t have to be with someone because you fear that being alone leaves you without stability or value.

You don’t have to cling to someone to avoid abandonment or avoid someone for fear of rejection.

True intimacy is possible when there is psychological separation or room for partners to come and go from each other physically and psychologically.
Couples often report that when they are apart from each other during the course of the day, they think more positively and romantically about each other than at any other time.

Neurochemistry supports this idea with findings that separation actually revs up dopamine and epinephrine, the hormones associated with sexual desire.




~Uploaded on Apr 1, 2010~

Music video by Heart performing Alone.

We ALL are ONE!! 

4 thoughts on “At the end of the day …. Alone!!

  1. My adoptive mother once told me I ‘entertained’ myself from the moment they brought me home at three days old. My father tells a different story. I like my own company, it is I am told one of the reasons I am difficult to get along with, I don’t understand this.

    Love Heart! Want to hear a funny? They use to play at parties I attended in Bellevue, Washington. They weren’t as good back then.


    • Interesting!! I love Heart …. done if their songs, at least.
      I think one has to be comfortable to be alone at times. I know I need that time. The older I get, the more I need it.


      • I was always comfortable alone. Always needed alone time and always needed silence. It use to enrage my mother that sending me to my room was a blessing rather than a punishment. She couldn’t ever understand a ‘child’ that lived inside her head or for that matter ‘independently’. Of course, it enraged my husband too, but I only figured it out later.


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