~~June 30, 2014~~

SHAME, SHAME, SHAME … AWFUL DECISION

DONT’ FORGET “CITIZENS UNITED” … I STRONGLY BELIEVE THEY HAVE SAWDUST INSIDE THEIR SKULLS

~Females Celebrate Newfound Right of Denial with SCOTUS Hobby Lobby Ruling~

(TONGUE IN CHEEK)

The Supreme Court declared this morning that it is unconstitutional to require private companies to provide health coverage for contraceptive medicine, a landmark decision regarding the Affordable Care Act. Ruling that mandated coverage infringes on a company’s freedom of religion, women around the country rejoiced for the fair and protective ruling.

“This ruling has given me the freedom I’ve always wanted — to be denied of healthcare. I think life has gotten a little complicated since we’ve gotten the right to choose, and that’s not what The Lord wants,” said spokeswoman for Hobby Lobby, Sarah Haven.

Women have been protesting for their cause on National Mall since the beginning of June. A Black Sheep undercover journalist noted these distinct protest cries:

“It’s my body, I should be able to take care of it in any way! That includes denying myself helpful medications that can control my hormone irregularities!”

“No one else should be able to decide what I can and can’t do to my own body — except for my boss. He’s always right.”

“I demand equality and fair treatment! If men could get pregnant, no one would question whether someone had the right to contraceptive care. Everyone would be denied equally! Women shouldn’t have this special exception – it’s not fair!”

A new wave of females flooded the streets of the capital after the ruling was announced to celebrate their liberating new roadblock to contraceptive medication.

“I can’t believe the law is finally on my side — it’s been a long fight and I can’t wait to sit down, rest, and hopefully shake this new set of cramps. God, cramps suck” said protester Abbie Trensil.

Some people list the ruling as unfair, citing that birth control can be used to treat medical conditions, not just curb pregnancies.

“I have endometriosis and take birth control to regulate it. Now, with this ruling, my medication will not be covered” said forty-year-old mother of four Carla Wiese. She then was taken aside by two men in suits and came back to chat with our journalist. “But, I guess this country was founded on the freedom of religion, and I certainly do not want to be the one to break the Constitution. I’ll just pay out of pocket, for the sake of everyone’s freedom. It’s what the founding fathers would have wanted.”

Others argue that a ruling on such a specific issue unfairly targeted the female community.