~~June 25, 2014~~

~~A MOTHER’S PAIN … IN HER OWN WORDS~~

“Today I had to say goodbye to my beautiful baby girl.

It took me a thousand times to walk away. It ripped my heart into a million pieces. I can’t believe that this is now the life I have. My pain is so unbearable but I know I have to be strong and get through this for my son. I sat with my little DeLainey all morning I sang to her, rocked her, talked to her and kissed her.

I pray she knows just how much I love her and miss her.

I’m sitting here now watching DeAngelo play with his lil’ cousin and all the dreams I had of my own two babies playing are flooding back through my mind. I know I will never get to see her grow up and him be her big brother. It breaks my heart he won’t get to have that with his baby sister. Getting through this is a journey I don’t want to take but now I have no choice. Mommy loves you my baby girl.

While I lay awake in heartache you dream peacefully in heaven.

I never thought I could feel this amount of pain in my life.

I don’t know how I am ever going to get over this pain from losing you. I will never hear you call me mommy or kiss your beautiful face or get to hug you tight. I wont get to watch you grow or see you in your wedding dress. I will never know how it sounds to hear you cry or laugh. I will never get to tuck you in at night or see your smiling face. All I have is the little memories of your kicks and the pictures of your beautiful face. I love you more than you will ever know and I know there is just no getting over you. I will see you again one day my baby girl.

I love you my beautiful angel baby.

~~POEM~~

I wanted you before I conceived you
I loved you before I knew you
I felt you before I saw you
I held you before you passed
I long for you deep inside me
I ache for you all day
I never want to put you down
I could sit and hold you always
I know the time has come for me to put your body to rest
But how do I let go of you when
I never get to see your eyes
You never got to see my face
I never get to hear your laugh
You never again will feel my embrace
I only have what I felt inside my womb
There is an emptiness in my arms where you should be
There is a silence that should be the pitter patter of your feet
My hand will never hold yours
Your arms around my neck I will never know
I will never get to watch you grow
Your cries will be silent when I sleep at night
My cries will come again in the day light
I don’t know how to let you go and move through life this way
The only thing I can hope for is you in my arms again someday
I love you my beautiful angel
My heart will hold you close