‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there … “
“This year we came up with a new product that I hope will make your kids behave bigly.”
Jimmy Kimmel launched a frightening spoof alternative to the Elf on the Shelf on Friday.
Introducing: Trump on a Stump ― the perfect comedic antidote to some of President-elect Donald Trump’s terrifying policies.
Kimmel said he feared the relatively new tradition of parents moving around their home a toy elf that Santa Claus purportedly sent to spy on kids in the run-up to Christmas was “starting to lose its gravitas.”
“I noticed the kids are not so worried about it any more, they don’t fear the elf any more,” the comedian said. “So this year we came up with a new product that I hope will make your kids behave bigly.”
Trump on a Stump doesn’t report back to Santa on who is being naughty or nice, however. This toy reports directly to the Pentagon – ensuring every misbehaving child will be immediately dealt with.
The Elf on the Shelf has become a time-honored holiday tradition. The elf watches your kids and reports back to Santa, but it’s been around for a while and Jimmy worries that it’s starting to lose its gravitas.
So this year we came up with a new product that we hope will make your kids behave bigly.
Just another traveler on life's highway hanging out in the slow lane. It's quiet, it's peaceful. Beyond the horizon is rest calling my name. Green pastures, still waters, my cup runneth over.
