Chandra Mohan Jain (11 December 1931 – 19 January 1990), also known as Acharya Rajneesh from the 1960’s onwards, as Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh during the 1970s and 1980s, and as Osho from 1989, was an Indian mystic, guru and spiritual teacher. His international following has continued after his death.
There is always someone that thinks they know what is best for someone else and wants to change the way said person acts. That someone can never let the latter just be. They embark on the hopeless cause of transforming sugar into salt, and usually end up ruining their relationship.
Time and time again, people think that a person can and will change their ways just to please someone else. But in reality, no one wants to change the way they are, especially if they are content with the status quo.
Even if someone does want to change, it is nearly impossible for him or her to maintain his or her new character. People will always revert back to their original beings.
Originally coined by the British pediatrician/psychoanalyst, Donald Winnicott, the “capacity to be alone” refers to the development of individuality that starts with the infant’s ability to be alone in the presence of the mother.
It is the child’s ability to move from the sense of the mother’s compassionate, comforting and loving presence, to his/her ability to hold on to her presence, even when alone.
This internalized sense of the comforting mother develops into the psychological capacity to regulate anxiety, self-soothe, and experience a true authentic self. In essence, this is the capacity to be alone.
I strongly believe that these concepts not only apply to couples, they also apply to friends and companions of any kind. Mostly, it applies to self.
To be alone improves the capacity to love.
Why Is This an Asset To Intimacy?
True intimacy starts with a comfort in your own sense of self. If you like yourself and feel comfortable, you will be able to relate in a real and genuine way with another person.
You won’t have to be what someone else wants or needs you to be.
True intimacy is possible when you have the “capacity to be alone” because it implies choice. You may want to be with someone. You don’t have to be with someone because you fear that being alone leaves you without stability or value.
You don’t have to cling to someone to avoid abandonment or avoid someone for fear of rejection.
True intimacy is possible when there is psychological separation or room for partners to come and go from each other physically and psychologically.
Couples often report that when they are apart from each other during the course of the day, they think more positively and romantically about each other than at any other time.
Neurochemistry supports this idea with findings that separation actually revs up dopamine and epinephrine, the hormones associated with sexual desire.